We all know how divorce changes the dynamics in what was before a loving relationship between you and your spouse. But what worries the divorcees the most are the impact that the divorce has on the kids. While most bounce back even if their parents get divorced, others seem to carry the weight of the separation to their adulthood.
There are plenty of stressors surrounding divorce, and they often lead kids to think that the divorce might be their fault. Having them face the court and a child custody attorney in Albuquerque traumatizes them to the point of anxiety and depression. The divorce conversation is the most difficult talk you can have with your kids, but it is also important to show them respect and inclusion during this most stressful time in all of your lives.
Show a United Front
When explaining divorce to your kids, be together. It doesn’t matter if only one of you does the talking. You should show your kids that for matters that concern them, you are willing to talk together. Show a united front, and your kids will have an easier time understanding that no one’s blaming them and that you still love them. It’s important to note down talking points so that you don’t miss anything. Also, be open to explaining to them in general terms what divorce is and how it is going to affect them. Just make sure to assure them that the divorce doesn’t change the fact that they are very much loved.
Focus on the Change
In the months and weeks leading up to the divorce, your kids might have witnessed or felt that something is wrong with your marriage. This is the best time to explain to them that it will never have to feel that way in your separate houses ever again. A divorce is a new chapter. It’s the beginning of a more peaceful and less stressful chapter of all your lives. Change is good for the whole family.
Encourage Them to Share Their Feelings
This is the part where you really need to listen to your kids. Ask them how they feel about the news. What are their concerns? What worries them? Do they have any questions that they need clarification? You need to be strong during this conversation because your kids might be asking heartbreaking questions that you might not have the answer to.
Your kids will need reassurance now more than ever. You have just shaken their world, and things are falling apart. The most critical thing to do is to reassure them that nothing has changed in terms of how you feel about them. Although they might have to switch places from time to time to visit the other parents, they are still loved and cared for, and nothing’s going to change that. Make sure that your kids understand this because they might end up resenting you in the future.
The divorce conversation is unavoidable, and you have no chance of ever really avoiding the questions. Dismissing your kids’ questions will only worsen the situation for them. As much as this is a difficult time, put your kids as your priority and make decisions that put their happiness on the forefront.